Landers

In the last 24 hours I have...

2008-07-24T05:04:22Z

In the last twenty-four hours I have twittered...

07:14 Ha ha ha he he he and a couple of la de da's...
11:48 Getting scared about the dentist.
12:10 I cannot stop shaking!
14:28 Calming down after the dentist with a gentle afternoon of watching a service user in the "ya-coo-zee"

A million monkeys did this on a million typewriters then it was uploaded by LoudTwitter for me.

Utter utter shame!

2008-07-22T11:53:56Z

I should have a learnt a long time ago not to open my mouth in public because when I speak I often say the wrong thing. It either offends and I lose friends or I embarrass myself.

Yesterday the latter happened and I think this will be entry for the Numpties!

So I had a day off and decided to nip and do some shopping, stopping at the garage on the way to buy some smokes.

"Twenty menthol please!" I asked the cute chap behind the counter.
"Sure," he says reaching for them.

I don't know why I ask for packs of twenty as it's all they sell here.

The guy waves my ciggies in front of the barcode scanner but nothing happens. He press buttons on his touch screen monitor and still nothing. He punches the touch screen a bit like I do when I'm getting irate with technology but still nothing happens. Eventually he gives up and moves over to the second till.

"I'll take you up here!" he says.
"Oh I wish!" I utter.

There is a pause.

"Did you mean to say that out loud?" he asks.
"What?" I stutter, "WHAT?! Jeez no! Sorry!" I say as I begin to go red.

He laughs and hands me the credit card receipt.

"Could you sign this please." he asks as he hands me a pen. He leans in and whispers "just your name and not your number," and winks.

I sign, grab the fags and my card and speed out of the store. I can never go in there again!

In the last 24 hours I have...

2008-07-22T05:02:18Z

In the last twenty-four hours I have twittered...

15:55 SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! NEVER EVER EVER SPEAK AGAIN!

A million monkeys did this on a million typewriters then it was uploaded by LoudTwitter for me.

In the last 24 hours I have...

2008-07-18T05:03:27Z

In the last twenty-four hours I have twittered...

08:41 And again I'm lying in bed watching Buffy!
09:50 Starting to get worried about going to the dentist!

A million monkeys did this on a million typewriters then it was uploaded by LoudTwitter for me.

Berlin continued...

2008-07-17T13:59:17Z

I know we've been back for a long while but various things have got on top of me and now I'm getting back on top of them (said the actress to the bishop) I decided it was time for an update. I can't tell you about Saturday until I've told you about Berlin, it wouldn't be fair. So here is a quick photo showdown of the last few days of our Berlin trip. If you wish to see the days before then look at here

Some of these may have been blogged before and as ever click to the picture to enlarge it.

So off we went to meet Kelly at the airport. Of course as soon as we'd got her and dumped the stuff back at Stephen's then a trip to a bar followed along with a meal at an Ethiopian restaurant. From there it was off to a gothic styled bar for many many many drinks where I did my infamous "condom-up-the-nose-and-out-the-mouth" trick and then tried to stop the burning by snorting the cloud on top of my beer. Everyone had a good laugh and after much drinking it was time for bed. If you wish to see those pictures you'll need to go to www.rampageinberlinnights.com and sign up to my porn site. It's a amazing how literal that web address is!

In the morning Stephen had to work so Kelly, Brad and I headed off to the touristy stuff around Berlin, taking in a lovely breakfast firstwe then did the sights and saw thisand thisand found thisand then met up with Stephen and headed off for something eat herewhere I had one of these. From there we went here(BCUK HQ)and saw people work and saw Stephen hard at it. We took a walk along hereto drop Kelly at the station and after saying our goodbyeswe headed herewhere Stephen became nervous about catching gay (it might have been the looks I was giving him) so calledVasco for back up. After a while we moved to a little beach bar - in Berlin! - on the coast of the river Spree - where Stephen became braver - or my advances were beginning to work but in reality I think it was possibly just the massive magnets in my pockets because Vascosoon came swooping in to join us. Sadly the weather (in Stephen's world) took a turn for the worst and we all headed off to our respective beds. In the morning once Brad was up (ooo err) we did the touristy things again and went up hereto look at thisand this and this as well as looking down on the place where we had breakfast the morning before with Kelly (where my favourite photo was taken). Once down we saw this and this and then went off to see this , which is the Holocaust Memorial and very very awe inspiring from all angles and massive yet for some reason has been built right by where the entrance to Hitler's Bunker was and to add insult to injury the blocks are coated in an anti-graffiti coating which was made by the same company that made the gas that killed the Jews! So after that we took a ride in one of these to take us down here so we could go up this driven by him with me and him in the back! Imagine the weight! Once at the top of this we had this view and saw this and then came down these (349 of them!) I collapsed and after a quick smoke and drink recovery we went and looked at and and then sitting here waiting for Stephen to take us here
so we could drink some more then go to bed so in the morning we could go here to get here to come home.

All in all we had an absolutely fantastic time. Stephen is a wonderful host and marvellous tour guide. Kelly is amazing, just as she always has been and the people at BCUK HQ were so very warm and welcoming! Vasco was incredibly generous, Grit was stunningly beautiful, Alex was amazingly charming and the whole experience of Berlin was wondrous.

In the last 24 hours I have...

2008-07-17T05:05:50Z

In the last twenty-four hours I have twittered...

08:37 Lying in bed, watching Buffy!
11:04 Trying to work out how to get my 14 day free MobileMe trial!
15:31 Wondering if I can substitute chocolate for bread?
15:32 Trying to think of a suitable user name for my MobileMe trial.
21:05 Trying to get my MobileMe.com to work properly!
23:07 Watching Brad hwhip cream so we can have my homemade scones with jam and hwhipped cream!
23:08 I hope scones don't count as bread!
23:09 Daveed, Daveed, NO el autre Daveed!
23:42 Having some Reiki or maybe Quantum Touch ... I couldn't really tell you the difference!

A million monkeys did this on a million typewriters then it was uploaded by LoudTwitter for me.

In the last 24 hours I have...

2008-07-16T05:03:31Z

In the last twenty-four hours I have twittered...

07:08 Heading off to work and wondering if I'll ever not be in pain!
07:18 Wondering if the woman in Statoil will ever smile?
07:59 Hoping he didn't wake anyone with his tweets!
08:44 Being thankful that I got 45mins at work without a resi getting up!
10:12 Finding out the hard way that I'm still alergic to citrus fruit!
11:04 Going for a bus spin!
12:07 Trying to work if I should be happy or scared that Whytey had just told me he's going to take me into the woods and molest me!
12:57 Trying to work out if I should be happy or sad that I didn't get molested.
15:53 b.o.R.e.d
20:54 Finally on my way home!

A million monkeys did this on a million typewriters then it was uploaded by LoudTwitter for me.

In the last 24 hours I have...

2008-07-15T05:08:55Z

In the last twenty-four hours I have twittered...

09:08 Wondering if I shuold start giving people my new mobile number!
10:57 Finally about to hook up my iPhone to MY laptop! Woo hop!!!
11:47 Looking at puppies!
15:16 Trying to stay awake!
21:57 Fi
21:59 Updating my nice new iphone after spending hours sorting out my address book and iCal and shit!
22:14 Off to bed. Long day tomorrow and don't feel well.

A million monkeys did this on a million typewriters then it was uploaded by LoudTwitter for me.

In the last 24 hours I have...

2008-07-14T05:04:38Z

In the last twenty-four hours I have twittered...

10:21 Feeling very hungover!
17:15 Wanting my bed but not flying until 9.45pm!
20:56 Realising that I don't have to be at home to be a Nintendo DS widow!
21:13 Waiting to board. I hate Ryanair!
00:32 Finally home! Off to bed.

A million monkeys did this on a million typewriters then it was uploaded by LoudTwitter for me.

In the last 24 hours I have...

2008-07-13T05:07:59Z

In the last twenty-four hours I have twittered...

12:24 Playing with my 2 new phones
13:10 Twittering from my iPhone!

A million monkeys did this on a million typewriters then it was uploaded by LoudTwitter for me.

In the last 24 hours I have...

2008-07-12T05:05:26Z

In the last twenty-four hours I have twittered...

13:18 Racing home to play with my new iPhone!
18:30 Heading for Shannon airport! Yeah baby!
18:44 Walking, as fast as my little fat legs will carry me, to the nearest toilet before I explode!
19:05 Stood at the departure gate an hour and thirty minutes before departure!
19:12 Having a fucking fag! I've earned it!
19:30 Wants a damn curry now! Goddamnit!
19:36 Suddenly realising that a black dot on the glass of a departure lounge window is NOT a plane coming in to land!
01:17 Going to sleep. Night night x x

A million monkeys did this on a million typewriters then it was uploaded by LoudTwitter for me.

In the last 24 hours I have...

2008-07-11T05:07:01Z

In the last twenty-four hours I have twittered...

11:58 Being amazed at the dress sense of a woman in bright red wellies, red tights, a red skort, red gloves, a red hat, a red blouse and a whi ...
11:58 Realising I had the EXACT same jacket in black! The shame!
12:08 @soyster I don't.
15:36 Ripping off tights with my teeth!
15:46 Brendan is at home giving his wife cock!
20:53 Finally driving home!

A million monkeys did this on a million typewriters then it was uploaded by LoudTwitter for me.

Twitters...

2008-07-10T05:07:22Z

In the last twenty-four hours I have twittered...

09:12 Listening to K fart! It's vile and disgusting.
12:43 Driving through Lisdoonvarna looking for some where to have pint.
13:04 Visiting the Cliffs of Moher.
13:49 Pissed off that I can't get Brad a little something from my visit to the Cliffs of Moher as it's so fucking expensive!
15:48 Eating a rib steak burger... Nom nom nom!
16:14 Visiting Doolin beach.
16:44 Laughing at Anally House Hotel.
20:38 Wiggling to Shakria while I drive along. Lucky that breasts are small and humble.
20:43 Bringing sexy back.

A million monkeys did this on a million typewriters then it was uploaded by LoudTwitter for me.

Twitters...

2008-07-09T05:02:33Z

In the last twenty-four hours I have twittered...

09:00 Looking for a Twitter widget that apparently exists! Maybe it just doesn't for me!
10:26 Regretting staying sat in the same place for over thirty minutes!

A million monkeys did this on a million typewriters then it was uploaded by LoudTwitter for me.

The Root of all Evil - Part 2

2008-07-08T11:17:40Z

So yesterday I did this post basically about me being pissed off that a politician can get €285'000 for a new office yet we struggle to cope with the under-funding and under-staffing!

Well I did some thinking last night and suddenly realised just how great the place I work is. I'm not saying I'm wonderful for what I do and I still hate the management but it's the staff that are great, especially if you consider the stress they are under.

The centre receives a set amount of money for each year for each service user in it's care. It's approximately €130'000 per service user. You'd be right in thinking that it's a lot of money! So lets see where it gets spent by looking at the basic needs of ONE service user. This is a typical service user who sits with the higher band of the autistic spectrum. He presents with challenging behaviour, is violent towards the staff and other service users and has severe learning difficulties. He cannot communicate well and screams and 'grunts' a lot. He has 24hr care and the services of a nurse educator. He is very demanding and becomes agitated if he doesn't get his own way or his routine is changed drastically but can cope with small changes.

His basic expenditure is as follows. (Please note all figures are approximations)

Staff Nurse	€30'000
Care Assistant (1)	€21'000
Care Assistant (2)	€21'000
Nurse Educator	€30'000
Transport	€6'000
Oil (Heating)	€450
Food	€5'500
Electricity	€1'200
Doctor Visits	€2'100
Occupational Therapist	€1'200
Hospital (Staff)*	€1'200
Hospital (Service User)	€1'200
Social Worker	€1'800
Clothing (Staff)**	€600
Clothing (Service User)	€4'200
Psychiatrist	€300
Dentist	€300
Chiropodist	€350
Telephone	€1'200
Equipment***	€2'000
Personal Shopping	€500
Holiday	€1'500
Totals	€133'600
Deficit	-€13'600

So as you can we instantly have a loss of €13'600. Thankfully parents help out a great lot and where possible money is syphoned off from other payments to find the difference. Unfortunately, as I said, these are the basic costs associated with the service user and usually end up running much higher. I'm not including the costs of blood analysis, vehicle insurance, x-rays, room furniture or appliances yet all these things are needed.

It's a sorry state of affairs when a politician can get €285'000 for a new office and our service users lose out on the basics.

*A&E visits after attacks by service user
**Replacement clothing when ripped during service user attacks.
***This would include items used during OT treatments and education. Not kettles or pans etc

Twitters...

2008-07-08T05:08:21Z

In the last twenty-four hours I have twittered...

20:50 Eating at Eddie Rockets ("Hey McFly!") before going to see 'Wanted'
21:16 Sat in the schineema awaiting the sturt of the fill-um!
21:29 Please respect the enjoyment of others!

A million monkeys did this on a million typewriters then it was uploaded by LoudTwitter for me.

Twitters...

2008-07-07T20:01:20Z

In the last twenty-four hours I have twittered...

20:50 Eating at Eddie Rockets ("Hey McFly!") before going to see 'Wanted'

A million monkeys did this on a million typewriters then it was uploaded by LoudTwitter for me.

Come on November!

2008-07-07T15:39:21Z

I don't care what anyone thinks, I'm actually a little* excited!

Clicky Clicky!

*Okay, a lot excited!

The Root of all Evil!

2008-07-07T14:21:46Z

Please stick with this entry, even though the first few paragraphs seem a bit boring and pointless. You'll soon see where I'm going and why.

Health services around the world will never please anyone. There is always someone who won't be getting the service they feel they need and to be fair in most cases that is sadly true. An irate patient will then take it out on the individual hospital or health service, blaming them for the inadequacies of treatment when sadly the real cause and blames lies with the people above.

I've worked within the health service of two different countries and the main problem with both is always the same - funding!

A health service will put a request for funding yet will only get 75% of that figure - if they're lucky! Why don't they get the full 100%? Often it's because the money just isn't there but sometimes trust and services are told to see if they can manage and apply for "emergency" funding if needed!

Lets take a look at the service I work in at the moment. It's a world-wide organisation who gets it's funding in Ireland from the Health Service Executive (HSE). The HSE pay us for each resident we house and the amount is dependant upon the needs of the child*.

Sadly it's not enough. We are grossly under-funded and under-staffed but thanks to the quality of the staff (not the management!) the service users do not suffer and get everything they want and need. The parents also help out a lot, as much as they can, by sending clothing, paying for trips and putting money in an account for the service user that we can access as when we need to on their behalf.

As you can see, sadly, everything boils down to money.

So you'll understand why I got so angry when I heard on the news this morning that some damn politician has just been given government funding of €200'000 to have a new office built as well as €85'000 for soft furnishings. €285'000 to build an office and make it look pretty.

Where else would €285'000 be of good use?

Well going by the minimum wage over here €285'000 would be enough to fund at least twenty-one new members of staff to work Monday to Friday from 10am to 4pm (our busiest time). Twenty-one members of staff would been at least one new staff member for each unit which would drastically increase the life of a service user. Where one service user needs 1-2-1 care they don't often get it because of staff/funding levels. At best there are two staff members for every three clients.

With that amount of money we could buy at least fourteen minibuses. Not every unit has it's own minibus which means that some service users have no choice but to stay in the day centre because there isn't room on the buses for them. Because of this the buses are sent out on a rota basis so some users go out in the morning and some in the afternoon. This way all the service users get to go out in the day but unfortunately it's restricts where they can go. They can't just go out for the entire day.

Going away from our service and look at a different aspect of health €285'000 would mean 285 elderly people could stay with their families rather than stuck in a nursing home. This will never happen though because in January the Irish Government (Dáil) dropped the popular "Home Conversion Grants". This gave people €1000 to have their home adapted so an elderly relative can stay with them rather than go in a home!

That money could be ten nurses on an over-stretched accident and emergency department.

There are many many other things that the money could spent on that would enhance the lives of hundreds of people around the country and I'm sure there are more thousands available that is going into the pockets of politicians who need new cars, beds, whips & chains or just want the money to bank for when they get kicked out of office because the nations suddenly realises what a waste if space they are!

Fucking politicians and bean counters! They'll be sorry when they are the ones in hospital and unable to get what they need because the money isn't there. I bet things would change if any one of them had a member of family in our service!

*I think</> this is how it works but I'm not 100% sure

Welcome to the world Owen James

2008-07-05T09:22:59Z

Congratulations to Richard and BL, proud parents of Owen James born on the 3rd weighing 9lb 3oz!

Yawn!

2008-07-05T07:57:07Z

Well I've got a boring day ahead of me.

We're short staffed at work what with people going off on holiday (how dare they!) and people going off sick (more holidays) so today I have to spend ALL day on my own looking after a lad who is on "lock-down."

A lock-down basically means that because of his behaviour he is confined to his apartment. He has an apartment all of his own within our centre which means I'm not going to see any other staff either!

This lad won't get up until gone 12:00 so until then I have to amuse myself. So far I've had breakfast, checked my email, read blogs, replied to comments, left a few comments, watched the end of Hart to Hart and all of Magnum.

This is going to be a long long day.

A Rant

2008-07-04T07:46:12Z

I've not done one of theses for a while!

Lilly Allen
"I'll quit music if fans don't like my new album!" she says. Well fuck off then! Don't waste the plastic on production you vile tramp! Did you guess that I can't stand this talentless old bitch?

You Tube & Viacom
I had an email this morning informing me of my You Tube subscriptions and all their new videos. I know I was totally over reacting but I actually didn't want to go and look at them because I don't know just how much information is being passed around. If a court in the US wants to pass that law or whatever then let them, it's up to the US people to fight it but why the fuck should MY privacy been invaded! Viacom own Blockbuster (Xtra-vision depending on where you live) and I've got visions of walking into my local store, choosing a DVD and at the counter being told by some spotty university drop-out that he thinks I'd prefer something else because his computer has just told him what I watch on You Tube! Fuckers!

Robert Mugabe, The UN, UK & US
The UK and US should be ashamed of themselves. If they were so willing to storm into Iraq (twice!) to sort some tinpot tyrant who was killing the citizens of that nation then soldiers should currently be in Zimbabwe. Robert Mugage needs fucking with a cattle prod. "The UN are in talks!" And I'm thinking we'll sort out world poverty with a nice cup of sugary tea and hug! Fucking twats!

A Man Giving Birth
If this "man" was to marry a woman - in church with the full ceremony - would it be newsworthy? No. Not only because it's just a "normal" wedding but also because it wouldn't happen because his birth certificate states that he is a she and no church would allow the marriage to go ahead. So, if his birth certificate says he is a woman surely a woman has just given birth and not a man? I'm sorry if that sounds like I'm not supporting transgender and all that as I do, I'm just pissed off with listening to the news tell me a man has given birth.

Eircom
You are cunts.

Heard on the Radio

2008-07-04T07:21:43Z

Roving Reporter: "So madam, why do you think we're having all this rain?

Woman who has just had a microphone shoved up her left nostril: "IT"S GOD! He's punishing us for spending all our money!"

Learn people, learn!

2008-07-03T22:38:12Z

So I had to have fire training today.

Yes, that's right, I got trained in how to light fires!

No, of course I didn't but I know if didn't say it some other smart arse would come along and make a comment like that.

I was trained how to put fires out at work. Should they start.

You'd think by now my work would know better than to send me on courses! I usually cause arguments.

Today I made the mistake of asking a question.

"What happens if you can't break the glass on break-glass-point?" I asked.
"You get someone else to do!" he replied.
"But what if they can't?"
"Get someone who can!"
"But there are many times I'm on my own."
"Well you break the glass so help will come and then you start getting people out and then you can tackle the fire if you think it's safe to do so."
"Okay okay, so I'm on my own, the fire is burning and I cannot break the glass. What do I do?"
"Why can't you break the glass?"
"I just can't."
"Trust me, anyone can break the glass!"
"I can't."
"Why can't you? Why can't you break the glass?"
"I just can't."
"Do you have a phobia?"
"No."
"Have you tried breaking the glass?"
"Yes. Years ago I broke the glass to set the alarm off."
"Here?"
"No, in a different job."
"And you broke the glass?"
"Yes."
"Then you can do it here."
"No I can't!"
"Yes you can!"
"I can't."
"It's not difficult! Just break the glass! Push your thumb into it!"
"I can't. I can't break the glass!"

He paused, wiped his brow...

"Do you have cordless phone in your bungalow?"
"Yes."
"Carry it with you at all times. If you see a fire call reception!"
"I don't know the number for reception!"

Go on - have a go - you know you want to!

2008-07-02T14:34:59Z

Summer Writing Competition

I've done it... why don't you!

Clicky clicky for mine