Oooh look what I've been doing!

;)

It would appear I have been neglecting this place again.

I do have my reasons and I do have people in my RSS feed reader so I do still read most of the people I have in my friends list. It's a shame you can't control you links you as their friend as there are a couple I'd tell to fuck off straight away.

Anyway, double posting (here and the other blog) isn't the issue. It takes seconds to blog in two places and at times I've had four blogs on the go for various reasons and when it's just a case of cutting and pasting then hitting submit it's no problem.

The issue is the control.

A year ago I'd have called my LJ my main blog, even if I didn't post in it all that often, it was still my main as I've have it so long now.

This has changed. I no long consider my LJ my main blog.

http://landersuk.blog.co.uk is now my main blog.

I have far more control over who sees what, how pictures get displayed and how the blog itself looks compared to Live Journal. Which is a shame but that's the way it goes.

I did a couple of tests a few weeks ago with searches in google and cuil and the other blog certain comes up better.

It's a shame but there it is.

So, in essence, I've rarely posted in here for the last few months and that's the way it's going to stay.

Feel free to come and read me at the other place. You're more than welcome. You can join up and join my friends list so you can read my private entries if you wish. You don't have to have a blog there to just be a member.

If I don't see you, have fun. As I said, I'll still be reading and commenting from time to time as I've made some good friends and would like to keep in touch.

Until then...

x

I got asked the other day at work why I don't wear my hearing aid as much as I did when I first started.

"Two reasons. Firstly most of the people I work with have got used to be now and seem to compensate for my deafness; they talk a little louder or directly at me so I can see their lips. Secondly I think my hearing is getting worse and the hearing aid isn't doing as much as it should. Either that or it's broke," I answered.

I'm right on all of the above.

People have started compensating. Most of them turn to look at me when they're talking to me and if we're sitting anywhere they'll sit opposite me so I can see them clearly. Even our regular house-keeping (Kevin) altered his seating position and shut the curtains as the sun was obscuring his face the other week. If they can't be sure I can see their lips then they speak a little louder. It all helps.

My hearing aid is actually broken. There are two switches on it. One is a volume wheel but the other is a little special. In position one all the inputs are open and the hearing should be as close to normal as possible. In position two it cuts out background noise. This is useful in bars and clubs as it means the person I look at is the voice I hear the loudest rather than all the noise being at the same level. The downside is that if someone behind me calls me then it's doubtful I'll hear them. The third position is for T-loops in cinemas and/or big shops. A t-loop is a telecoil which bascially means the cinema can broadcast the audio directly to the hearing aid. It's great as long as it's set up correctly - which it rarely is! Position three is totally useless without the loop.

Well position one seems to have stopped working, position two doesn't give me enough of a hearing boost and I rarely go anywhere that would warrant using position three. Already my hearing aid appears semi-redundant.

I have noticed recently that my hearing is actually getting worse and it does worry me quite a lot actually.

When I first got my hearing test results I was told by the consultant that my left ear would go in about five years - at his best guess - my right ear could be anything from ten to twenty. This was two years ago. I think he was wrong. Going from how I feel now I think it'll be sooner.

In fact, I think my left is nearly totally gone and my right ear is nearly at the state my left ear was this time two years ago.

At least Bert and I learnt sign language when we did. I think it's time to take it further though.

I really don't know what is going to be worse. Not being able to hear him anymore or not being able to listen.

Bert got this from his sister. So did I but he blogged it first so I tooked it from him.

Six names you go by
- Rob
- Landers
- Fez
- Paddy
- Badtykes
- Adam (not Ads!)

Three things you are wearing right now
- Socks
- Pantrs
- Joggers

Two things you want very badly at the moment
- Coffee
- Another coffee

Two things you did last night
- Watched a film
- Drank gin.

Three favourite beverages
- Coffee
- Morgans Spiced
- Southern Comfort

Two things you ate today
- Twix
-

Two people you last talked to on the phone
- Phil
- Dad

Two things you are going to do tomorrow
- Sleep
- Wake up

Two things you are not good at
- Keeping in touch
- Playing Darts

So I've been gone for a while and I'm not going to bore with where I've been and why but of the three blog sites I frequent two of them (this is one) had fallen by the way side and if you've genuinely missed me, as I have some of you, then I'm sorry.

Suffice to say I'm back and will being posting as normal.

TTFN! x

Tooked from just about everyone!

1. Put Your iTunes/Ipod/MP3 Player on shuffle

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds!

4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.

If someone says 'Is this okay?' what do you say?

Kinky

How would you describe yourself?

Just Like A Woman
(Hahahahahahaaaa!)

What do you like in a guy/girl?

Hoodie

How do you feel today?

Days Go By

What is your life’s purpose?

Chocolate Cake

What's your motto?

Some day my prince will come
(BOL!)

What do your friends think of you?

Tears dry on Their Own


What do you think of your parents?

Duel
(Interesting)

What do you think about often?

This Woman's Work

What is 2 + 2?

Our Love Goes Deeper Than This

What do you think of your best friend?

Four to the Floor

What do you think of the person you like?

Somewhere That's Green

What is your life story?

Propane Nightmares

What do you want to be when you grow up?

You Don't Know Me

What do you think of when you see the person you like?

Mandinka

What will you dance to at your wedding?

The Boy With The Thorn In His Side

What will they play at your funeral?
Little Drummer Nemo

What is your hobby/interest?

Hold On

What is your biggest fear?

The Prayer

What is your biggest secret?

Wearing My Rolex

What do you think of your friends?

The Meek Shall Inherit

What will you post this as?

Lithium

I blog from here...

So Lord Bastard and his good lady wife landed at Shannon airport yesterday to be greeted by their dutiful son (me) and his betrothed (Bert).

Lord Bastard actually came though on his shaking his head and muttering about Mama losing her passport and being stuck at border control.

After the usually hello's and welcome to Ireland we headed off to the car. Papa moaned about it being too far away and even when told where the car was parked he still headed off in his own direction, determined to find it without any assistance from us.

Once we were all finally in the car we set off to Galway. Now, father is never very good as a passenger so nearly shit himself when he found out we'd be in the car for an over an hour and a half - serves them right for booking the wrong airport.

We broke the journey up with a visit to the Duggans and then the supermarket and we only actually stopped at home for five minutes then nipped off to Tuam for a curry in our usual restaurant which seems to have had a complete change over a staff with very little English known between them both. After four attempts I finally got my coke rather than him just smiling and saying thank you and every bottle of wine papa asked for seemed to have sold out. He finally found one he liked only for the waiter/owner to come back and offer him the original choice which he'd told us was out of stock!

After a lovely meal we came home, watched "Mirrors". Utterly brilliant film but it has scarred me for life.

We're having the Royal visit today and for the next four days.

Mother and father are jetting in at 4pm and staying until Thursday. Brad is hoovering as I sit and type. I would help but conveniently I've put my back out while putting a desk together doing a shed load of other housework!

I'm actually impressed that my father is visiting again. Didn't think that would happen for a long while. It's nice that he can com here instead of fucking off to Spain, like the usually do, and then tell me they don't have time to come here. In fairness mother comes over quite often.

In other news...

Why would anyone choose Iggy Pop to advertise insurance?

"Get a LIFE. Get Swiftcovered."

The wrinkly is the same age as my mother but looks like my nan, and she's been dead nearly ten years!

The fact that he is running around shirtless, covered in glitter and far too much bronze body make-up (it, quite obviously, isn't fake tan as someone tried to tell me!) makes me want to avoid the company completely!

Right, time to go shower!

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?

Yes

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?

No.

3. When is the last time you cried?

Thursday

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
With someone else.


5. Do you believe in ghosts?

Right, I want to say yes as I think I saw my grandad sitting on the bed just after he died but the realist in me thinks I was still dreaming or at least trying to get some comfort in some way. In essence, no, I don't.

6. Do you consider yourself creative?

Yes

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?

Yes

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?

Ang. Jen always looks like she's having a strop.

9. Do you stay friends with your ex's?
T
here are a couple I still talk to, some I've recently got back in touch, some I avoid no matter how much they poke me on facebook and some I never wish to see again.

10. Do you know how to play poker?

Yes

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?

I think we came close to it while being medics at anyone of the events at Long Marston Airfield. We took a lot of ProPlus and Lucozade and YeastVite.

12. What's your favorite commercial?

The Carlsberg one where he speaks Irish but is really talking about cake! It's a shame Trolls don't have a sense of humour.

13. What are you allergic to?

Tomatoes and cinnamon. I'm also very slightly allergic to animal hair but there has to to be a lot of it.

14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around do you run red lights?

No but I have done by accident. Quite recently in fact.

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?

Yes

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?

The Yankees but only because I hate socks!

17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?

Hahahaaaaa!!!! Ahahahahaaaa!

18. How often do you remember your dreams?

Nearly all the time.

19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
I don't know but I have a feeling it was quite recently as Brad and I are always laughing. Him laughing makes me laugh!


20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?

Yes

21. What's the one thing on your mind now?

How to answer this specific question.

22. Name 5 things you did today?

- Had a poo
- Watched Murder She Wrote
- Played World of Warcraft
- Make a sammich
- This meme.

23. Do you always wear your seat belt?

Yes.

24. What mobile service do you use?
O2 in Ireland. Orange in the UK.

25. Do you like Sushi?

I LOVE IT!

26. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?

Yes

27. What do you wear to bed?

A smile.

28. Been caught stealing?

Yes.

29. What shoe size do you have?

It very much depends on the material and/or makers of the shoe. On average I'm an 11.

30. Do you truly hate anyone?

I say "Ooh I hate..." when I really mean dislike strongly. I do actually hate two people.

31. Classic Rock or Rap?

They both have good and bad sides.

32. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?

One? ONE! I can't choose just one!

33. Favorite Song?

See above.

34. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror?
Yes.


35. What food do you find disgusting?

Brie and cheese with blue shit in it and Marmite!

36. Do you sing in the shower?

Yes.

37. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours"?

Yes.

38. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?

Yes. If they are true friends I tell them when I see them next and we laugh about it. If they aren't true friends then it doesn't matter.

39. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?

Yes.

40. Have you anything else to add to this meme?

Slán.

I will not tell you what I was searching for to find this.

Such a strange purchase, I may buy two, such great comments!

I am ashamed of the fact that I find him strangely attractive yet his brother ugly talentless gross cunt

I wanted a title that said something about Christmas being over and the new year coming but the new year is still days away and Christmas isn't really over yet. I won't put things like "Happy Holidays!" as I'm not American* and I despise people who use American phrases or sayings just because they think it's makes them cool! It doesn't. Frankly I'm sick of kids saying "zee" when they mean "zed". Speak fucking English child!

And breathe!

Anyhoo...

So our Christmas break started at the Duggans. We stopped there before driving to Dublin to drop off the myriad of animals, the Duggans Christmas gifts and to have a coffee and nice chat before heading to Dublin.

After all that we drove to Dublin at silly o'clock, arriving at bastard o'clock and then trying to sleep in the car but waking at goddamnit o'clock, thatlightistoofuckingbright o'clock, fuckit o'clock, iamcold o'clock finally cunt o'clock. Eventually we were waved through to the car check-in point and as we'd paid the extra to use the executive club we got board first. Considering it supposed to be the biggest car ferry (for car capacity) in the world it didn't actually look all that big. Then I saw it next to one of the other ships and realised that the MV Ulysses was actually quite big!

The Executive Lounge was not as I'd expected. A few months ago we travelled back to the UK and booked the lounge then. This was with StenaLine and not Irish Ferries and was worth every penny. We had great food and drink and MASSIVE comfortable seats. Well this time, with Irish Ferries it was shit. The food was great but when it comes to a full English breakfast neither Brad or I like tomatoes and Brad likes beans but I don't and I like black-pudding but he doesn't so usually, when faced with a menu that states we're getting things we don't like we ask them if we can swap a couple of items and usually they're quite happy to do so. With this menu they wouldn't change it. We could remove items but not replace them. Bastards. So we had our breakfast and a coffee and watched the sun come up through this view...

While trying to relax in the worst seats possible. They were far too close together, the tables were stuck to the floor, the staff weren't the worst but their English made them difficult to understand. I found it VERY difficult to relax, which annoyed me as I'd paid for this and had three or four hours driving to do once we'd got off.

So once docked, we were first off, and roaring along the motorway, trying to stay awake, until we got to Bert's parental home. It was lovely to see them but I was shattered so we didn't stay long so we could get to my parents home and get some sleep, so after tormenting the freakish cat we headed off.

This cat has thumbs. It can text and aim a ranged weapon! So once at my mothers we found she was infested with rats. Okay so it wasn't a infestation, there was only one, and it wasn't a rat.... but it could well have been.

Mother was looking after my aunt and uncles dog while they were spending Christmas in Tunisia. As loveable as the rat is it is still rat and too small to be considered a dog. Even if you cut our cats in half they'd still be bigger than "Amy". Fucking runt!

So we did the rounds, visiting relatives and such like. On christmas eve we popped to see beautiful Cal. Becca, Cal's daughter, turned up with her husband and son so out came the camera. The camera on which Cal had asked me to fix the date. And I did. I swear I did. It was fine. I went through it and made sure it was fine. I have no idea why the date appears as it does. Bugger!

Alfie loves his uncle but can't abide his strange aunty who has a beard!

After the pictures we all headed to church. It was a Christingle Service delivered by the local explorer and climber scouts. Bert and Cal give it their all while Becca, Lee and I spend most of the time in silence... or giggling. At one point an explorer stands up, dressed as an angel and says "We're now going to have a reading from the Gospel according to Barry**. Chapter 17, verse 1 to 20," then she sits down. Anoter one stands up, reads one verse and sits down. This goes on through-out all twenty verses. What made this entirely enjoyable was that every time one of the explorers sits down Aflie said "Thank you!" Loudly. By verse twenty the whole church was roaring and he got his own little round of applause.

Christmas morning arrived.

After opening all our lovely gifts from my parents, one of which I was extremely bloody impressed with even if I may have to up the house insurance, we headed off to Berts home to see all his family before heading back to mine to for Christmas dinner.

After dinner father took up his usual position.

The rest of christmas day was uneventful. Bert was in bed by 10pm as he was full and pissed.

Boxing Day - or St. Stephens Day as it's known here in Ireland - saw us head over to Berts mom*** and dads.

So as Bert beggered about on Elliot's laptop, Elliot and Lucy looked out the window while Alan entertained Louis and Ann took delivery of the baby jesus, the kids played on an X-box 360 sadly Casey had been given a make-up set for Christmas and the only one willing to let her play was me! Bah humbug you miserable lot!

The next morning we were up stupidly earlier and heading off to Wales to grab some more stuff from the bungalow and the off to Pembroke Dock for the ferry to Rosslare. A cabin sleep and four hour drive later we arrived in Gallimh around 11pm-ish only to fall straight into bed as during the drive I'd been called into work.

I was supposed to be working today but unfortunately I have the shits so will not not moving anymore than twenty yards from a toilet.

So there you have our Christmas. I'm sure I've missed out some details but so be it. Some I've missed out on purpose, others I've forgotten. Right, time to do poo again... or rather time to go and piss brown water out of my ass!

P.S. Sorry to anyone who commented before I deleted the original entry.









*I'm also not on "holiday." A holiday to me denotes time away from home either relaxing in the sun, or skiing or... well you get the idea!

**I forget which actual gospel it was

***Yes Juzzy, it's MOM!

Sorry to any Irish bloggers out there but I have a feeling you'll agree...

There is something very interesting about the media industry in Ireland. Before that hairy fucking troll jumps on my back all I'm talking about are live TV chat shows, radio programmes and certain Irish newspapers.

The TV shows, the live chat shows, are essentially shit. They are either presented as though it's the 1930's and women are just coming out of suffrage or they try to be the most up-to-date modernistic show ever. Sadly, there is no in-between. The presenters themselves are also shit.

As a recent afternoon show (think Pebble Mill at One but without the stunning set or cosy jumpers) started the following conversation took place.

"Hello and welcome. As 2007 draws to a close..." he starts.
"2008 Patrick, 2008!" she interrupts.
"What? Is it? Yes, of course it is. Sorry. As 2008 draws to a close we look at the year gone by and the highs and lows. Shona you've had a good year haven't you?"
"What?" she replies.
"Your year has been good hasn't it?"
"Patrick, mammy died in February, my husband walked out on me, I had that stroke which kept me off the show without pay for two months and last week I found out they're not renewing my contract next year, so no, my year has not been good!" she tells him.
"That's lovely," says Patrick with a very sincere smile then turns to the wrong camera, "and we'll here more about your year (the viewer) later on in the show."

I shit you not!

The breakfast television show is no better. Ireland AM!

"I think everyone agrees he was one of the worlds greatest film directors," says the female presenter about Stanley Kubrick.
"I don't!" says one of the two males.
"Well you're the only one," she laughs.
"No, I thought he was bollocks!" says the other male.
"There you go, he agrees with me," she says.
"No, I meant he was shit. I never understood his stuff."

And yes, they do say shit on the telly in the morning. And fuck, although most of the time it's feck.

I don't think I'll start on Fair City. Irelands answer to Dallas but with less shoulders pads and more Guinness. I'd like to talk about the actors in it but there aren't any. It's just wooden people talking utter shite! It's not live (which kinda makes it worse in my book as they have the chance to shout "no, you're shit, do it again!" but don't!) so I'm not going to talk about it.

And just to make things worse, at 6pm on RTE1 you get the Angelus!

Radio shows aren't that much better.

I listen to one called Newstalk mostly as I like the chatter and they fuck up more than most, other than Galway Bay FM. I've also become a minor celebrity by texting in quite often. They now call me on occasion to go on air and discuss topics such as the health system, abortion, raising children, gay issues and the best flavour of tampon to buy.

The Breakfast show with Ger Gilroy and Clare Somethingorother is okayish but sadly they have some fella to do the business news and he's rubbish.

"So Brendan, how are stocks doing?" they ask.
"Some are up, some are down. If you're think of buying I'd stay away from Pan Am shares, they don't look too hot but Woolies is a go-er!"

Galway Bay FM is a must at 9am, 1pm and 5pm as they have the death notices. This is where they inform the listeners who has kicked the bucket and where you can buy tickets to view the body. It comes on straight after the news.

"Mary Bejesus of Ballyfuckit, reposing at The Holy Chapel of Sister Sledge, LoughFecker from 4pm. Removal to Our Lady of the Wet Dream, Killcunty at 7pm. Mass for Mary Bejesus at 12pm, burial in the Sister Swing Out Cemetery after."

They do that for every death. And then... at the end...

"Galway Bay FM would like to sympathise with all the friends and relatives of the recently deceased." Insert a shot pause for breath, a quick play of some bells and then the mono-toned crone continues... "and now the Dooleys!" You can actually hear the needle go down on the scratched copy of Wanted and some rancid "engineer" coughing in the background. Sadly, I know what's it like, I worked in local radio and I've been that engineer wishing to God someone would finally answer my CV's and begging letters!

i102-104 is a relatively new station and is the Galaxy of Ireland. It's very hip and and the say fuck like they mean it but still appreciating that's it naughty. The only problem, for us foreigners, is that they present the shows in Irish and English.

"Blah blah blah blah blah blah Galway Harriers blah blah blah. Blah blah blah in the Tescos on the Headford Road!" and then they all start laughing. The music is good though.

So, the newspapers are very different over here as well. Obviously we get The Sun but it's called The Irish Sun and is basically the same paper with an added word and the odd changed story. Now I'd guess that as they are run by the UK edition they are too scared to do what all the other papers do... the real Irish papers. Censorship is strange over here. There aren't many shops that stock jazzmags and Playboy was banned until 1995 but if someone gets shot or axed in the head then that's a different matter. Our front pages show not only the car the man was shot in but the man himself with the bullet through his head. The TV news is the same only they usually a little slower so all you get is the cameraman showing you a trail of blood and some reporter pointing and going "Oooooh!"

I'm very tempted to record everything I see and hear as I think I'd make a fortune playing it to media studies students and pointing out that this is not not to do it.

It is 2.20am.

The night supervisor comes and says hello and checks BJ is sleeping soundly. Which he is. He's snoring away.

She leaves and that's it until 6.30am. All the chores are done so I have noting to do other than fold the washing when it comes out the dryer. That wont' be ready until around 3am ish.

I remember a website a friend told me about that has TV programmers and films all available to watch either by streaming them from the site of by downloading them. This seems good as I don't want to play any more WoW as I'm getting a little bored with it... dangerous when that happens as I'll not play for a year but keep pays the subs!

So I decide to watch something by streaming it through the 3G broadband modem. I don't want to watch anything just out at the cinema as the quality will be crap and I'd rather actually go to the cinema with Bert and see a new release.

I trawl the list of films and instantly one springs out shouting at me to be watched. Vertigo

It's been ages since I've seen it but I love it so the decision is made.

Now, BJ is asleep in his room, the lights in his apartment are off and I'm in the day centre. I've turned all the lights off in day centre and I'm sat in the office with my recently made coffee.

The office lights are off but the door is open so I can hear BJ in case there is a problem. If only I wasn't so deaf.

I click play and the office gets even darker as the screen goes black. The only light is coming from one word and three dots in the top corner of the screen.

Buffering . . .

A few minutes later the Universal sign logo appears which fades into the marvellously hypnotic black and white eyes of Kim Novak. The music starts and I'm instantly transported to a time when I'm 14 and watching this for the first time with some friends. Later on that evening I'll gain the nickname Kim Novak and it'll stay with me for years.

The eyes and face turn red and and the spiral appears as the eyes fade away.... a few minutes later the spiral is fading and the eyes reappear. Haunting eyes.

Suddenly my stomach tightens. I know he's there. If I turn around quickly he'll get startled and attack me. If ignore him he may come at me from behind and I'll be in even more shit.

I can now hear him breathing. Suddenly my mind is a mess because I've now decided it's not him... it's someone else! It's some crazed murderer here to attack me. Did I lock the outside doors? Obviously not! How could I have been so stupid, I always lock the doors, it's what I'm trained for... it's what I get paid for! Erm... no... I did lock the doors! I know I did!

Hang on... it ... doesn't ... have ... to ... be ... anyone ... else ... for ... me ... to ... get ... attacked!

I turn. Verrrrrrrrrry sllllllllowwwwwwwwly.

It's him.

His face has a look of pure rage.

My one hand goes to the alarm on my belt while the other is raised and ready in the position I'm trained for. Only one of these movements is successful. The alarm is not on my belt. As I move my hand around my waist looking for it I remember where it is. It's by the kettle. I took it off to read the alert that went off as I was making a coffee. The alert didn't concern me but I didn't put the alarm back on my belt as the kettle clicked off so I poured my coffee.

There is no way I can get from where I am to the kitchen without going past him.

I'm vaguely away of the dialogue from the film playing behind me and I realise I'm beginning to concentrate on it which is a big mistake as BJ will see this and take his opportunity. I refocus and stare at him hoping he'll realise who is the boss of the situation.

We both realise at the same time that the boss is not me.

He dives for me, I stand up and sweep away with my arm as trained and head for the kitchen.

As I grab the alarm he throws himself against the kitchen door. I'm not pressing the alarm just yet as there is no need right now.

My heart is pounding in my chest and as I look through the spy hole I see he's pacing the hallway. Something has obviously spooked him.

I open the door and step out boldly.

"BJ do you want a drink" I ask.
His hand goes up which is a sign that he doesn't.
"Do you want the television on?"

He walks into his apartment and towards lounge. That's it. He wants the tv on.

I follow him, he's still agitated, his face still shows rage. On goes the television. Two minutes later he gets up, turns it off and goes back to bed, shutting the door behind him.

I need some new jeans and a stiff drink and a cigarette. Why don't I smoke anymore?

As nervous as I am now about posting You Tube videos again I feel a little safe as this one is not an advert.

So found this and it made me giggle..



From that it lead to this.. which also made me giggle....



An that lead to this... by which point I was nearly weeing...



Here's hoping these don't get over analysed!

Well I've not been awake long. Am back on the night shift tonight. Last night was quiet but fun. Spent aaaagggggeeeessss chatting to Charlie and it was really could to catch-up.

The apartment I'm in is attached to the day centre... which has a Jacuzzi... and I'm VERY tempted to get in once the night super has done her rounds.

I said this to Kiki (staff not blogger - his name is Brian but I call him Kiki!) and he was disgusted!

"What's wrong with it?" I asked.
"Brian doesn't wipe his backside, James spits everywhere, Alan's drool and what about Cormac's brain juice?" he stated.
"Mate, there's a filter going constantly. Twenty-four hours a day. If the Jacuzzi was used until the centre closed then the last person gets out at 4pm. I wouldn't be getting in there until 3am at the earliest. So for eleven hours the filter has been going."
"Yeah but still!"
"Hey I'd rather get in there with them that you!"
"Why? What's wrong with me Rob?" he said jokingly
"Well I know they've showered in the morning and I know who showered them. I know when they saw the doctor and I know what they've got. I cannot say the same about you!"

I think I actually winked as I said it. I may have even done the pistol point. And made the noise. The shame!

Right. Time to eat. I need to keep my three-person wide hips fully fuelled.

I don't know if I should be proud or ashamed that there are only two negative answers! (And one of those could be wrong!)

The Rules:
1. You can only say YES or NO!
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks!

Taken a picture naked? : - Yes

Made out with a member of the same sex? : - Yes

Danced in front of your mirror? : - Yes

Told a lie? : - Yes

Gotten in a car with people you just met?: - Yes

Been in a fist fight? : - Yes

Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? : - Yes

Been arrested? : - Yes

Left your house without telling your parents? : - Yes

Ditched school to do something more fun? : - Yes

Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? : - Yes

Seen someone die? : - Yes

Kissed a picture? : - Yes

Slept in until 3? : - Yes

Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? : - Yes

Played dress up? : - Yes

Fallen asleep at work/school? : - Yes

Felt an earthquake? : - Yes

Touched a snake? : - Yes

Ran a red light? : - Yes

Had detention? : - Yes

Been in a car accident? : - Yes

Pole danced? : - Yes

Been lost? : - Yes

Sang karaoke? : - Yes

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? : - Yes

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? : - Yes

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? : - Yes

Kissed in the rain? : - Yes

Sang in the shower? : - Yes

Got your tongue stuck to a pole? : - No

Ever gone to school partially naked? : Yes

Sat on a roof top? : - Yes

Played chicken? : - Yes

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? : - Yes

Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? : - Yes

Broken a bone? : - Yes

Mooned/flashed someone? : - Yes

Forgotten someone's name? : - Yes

Slept naked? : - Yes

Blacked out from drinking? : - Yes

Played a prank on someone? : - Yes

Felt like killing someone? : - Yes

Made a parent cry? : - Yes

Cried over someone? : - Yes

Had sex more than 5 times in one day? : - Yes

Had/Have a dog? : - Yes

Been in a band? : - Yes

Drank 25 sodas in a day? : - No (although I think I could have!)

Shot a gun? : - Yes

I guess most of you have seen this advert.



Here's the translation for you... in case you were wondering what they are saying.

Can I have permission to go out to the toilet
And fox,
I like cake,
Cake,
And Sharon Ni Bheolain,
I am wearing a jumper,
There are clouds in the sky,
Give me the cake"
Cake,
Quiet, road, girl, milk.

So DFS will be singing with Waistlife, Eeeyoghann will be singing with Boycrone and Alexandrex will be singing with Bouncey Noes!

That should make for an interesting evening... won't it Louis you big queen!

Waistlife are boring the hell out of me. They need to go back to the good ole days with pop dancey stuff to make any gayboy proud. Boycrone are just shit and always have been! As for Bouncey, well she used to be good. Crazy in Love was a great track but most of her recent stuff has just been awful. Apart from single ladies. That was ace. Mainly because it spawned the vidya below.

My suggestions for the duets...

DFS should sing with Brother Beyond. All of them (apart from the lurvely Nathan) shall have bags over their head and no microphones and be in the car park... or the middle of the M25.

Eeeyoghann should sing with Donald Trump. Matching hair and size makes them the ideal couple.

Alexandrex should sing with Oasis. They both look like they should be good, they have the potential to be great but their personalities makes them shit! Very shit. She's good and she knows it... too well.

Bring back Austin! Austin to win!

Oh... the vidya... why would you?




Now... as I love the original vidya and song.. here it is...

So after 71 years of picking letters and numbers, adding sums and dealing with the sexual advances coming from dictionary corner Carol Vorderman has waved a farewell to Countdown.

I can remember coming home school, storming upstairs to get changed, and finally heading for the door when suddenly the old man shouted at us.

"Get back here!" he yelled!
"What?"
"There's a new channel starting and it's not often that happens. I doubt you'll see it again until you're my age so you can sit and watch this!"

So we sat.

And for half an hour we stared, in silence, at multi-coloured number 4 on the screen.

"Roger, should we all be watching this?" asked mother.
"Yes we should! Four channels! FOUR CHANNELS wife! It'll not happen again in our lifetime!"
"But I've heard this channel is going to be a bit rude!"
"Not before midnight, they wouldn't dare!"

And during this conversation the music had started and as the announcer spoke my father told us all to shut up.

So we sat and watched Carol and Richard take us through the first episode of Countdown.

It was so boring... but we were young... younger than Juzzzy... we wanted to go out an play!

As the years have gone on I've become a fan and now she's gone I'll miss her. I thought she'd do a Whitely and be there until her death!

God bless you Carol, and all who sail in her!

In a recent blog entry I did a review of my 2008. It was another meme shamelessly stolen from some other blogger, hopefully credited as such, and I filled it in with all the enthusiasm I could muster given that I'm currently on nights until Des comes back from his holibags!

One of the questions (and my answer) was this:

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Not backing down.

The answer was connected with the allegations I made about a member of staff at work. I stuck to my guns, as they say. Well working tonight has made me think that I want to change my answer, and here is why.

As most of you know I work in a centre for people with challenging behaviour and learning difficulties. Basically it's a whole myriad of mental health issues all mixed in with physical difficulties. These people are all adults. The youngest in the department I work in is 22 and the oldest is 44. I think. I may have this wrong but lets not argue as it's close enough.

I work in a unit that looks after four lads. Four of the most violent lads. In fact most staff around the place won't come in and those that will want us to be their bodyguards.

We'll call the lads Tom, Dick, Harry and Jeff for the sake of not wanting to call them A, B, C and D. Tom, Dick and Harry all live in one unit but Jeff has his own as he's not very good around other people. Including staff. His unit is, quite literally, a one minute walk from our main unit, and all his care is given by our staff.

So, Tom, the eldest, doesn't talk. He grunts. He does have his own sign language which is very similar to normal sign language and we communicate with him in that way. He is rarely violent but sadly when he goes he really goes! He doesn't use his fists. He sometimes kicks but mostly he rips off cupboard doors and wallops you with them. Thankfully, due to our training and the other excellent staff, he is most kept calm but as mobility is not an issue with him when he hits out he can aim very very well.

Dick can talk. And does. Often. He sings as well. More often. It's very hard not to get attached to this chap as he's so kind and gentle. Say no to him and he'll beat you senseless but saying "soon" or "we'll see" usually calms him.

Harry, like Tom, does not talk. He grunts and points. That is as much as his communication skills allow but after working with him for a while you get to know what he wants from his mood. His mobility is fine but his hand and eye co-ordination is not very good. He is very violent. He is more violent than the other two, and quite often, but mostly it's towards himself. Banging his head on the wall, banging his teeth on door frames and so on. Occasionally he goes for staff but it's not personal, it's just at whoever is there at the time. He also has some very disgusting habits.

Jeff has his own place as he's not very good with other people. He is violent towards the staff on nearly a daily basis and the only reason the other service users don't get it from him is because we work very hard to keep him away from them. He cannot talk properly but can say some words and he knows what he wants. We use a set of pictures to get messages across and this works very well.

So now you know about the lads let me tell you a little something about me.

You'll notice one of the things I've talked about is how violent the lads are on occasion. Well there was a time when I too was violent and I often think I still could be if put in the right situation.

I was drinking with friends in a pub once, when I was 19, when an argument broke out between one of my friends and a stranger over drinks. I walked over to try and calm things down and offered to buy the guy a drink. Ray walked off, I bought the guy a pint and as I walked off I heard him call Ray a cunt. I asked him to repeat it and he decided to spit in my face instead. Something I fucking hate. So a fight broke out with my throwing the first punch.

I come across as a camp little gay bloke who'd run away rather than fight but I think most of that stems from knowing and seeing what I'm actually capable of and knowing I should walk away. I'm not tall but I'm broad and it's not all fat (okay most of it is) and I trained in Ju-Jitsu for 13 years. I'm not trying to say I'm some hard-nut, far from it, but I know I can look after myself.

I've digressed a little here.

The question is the meme was, as seen above, what has been my biggest achievement of 2008?

Well in this last year I've been attacked twice by Harry and five times by Jeff. The two times Harry has got me I've ended up in A&E and of the five times Jeff has got me I should have gone to A&E at least once but couldn't be bothered. I've had my finger nearly broken, my chest scratched, had five shirts torn and my head butted. I've been thrown against a wall repeated and my vision is still not right from the last attack.

So am I proud of getting beaten up? Is that my biggest achievement? No, not at all.

But not fighting back is.

Animal instinct brings on the fight or flight mechanism when faced with these situations and in the past I'd have fought back. I don't think I'd have been typically violent towards them but I'd certainly have done anything to stop being hurt. When Jeff had my shirt and was swinging me into the wall repeated I let him do it. I let him carry on and get it out of his system. I knew he wasn't aiming his frustration at me personally, as anyone there would have got it that day. When Harry head butted me I took myself out of the area. When he grabbed my finger and tried to break I used the training I'd had in work to get away from him but instantly went back to him to make sure he was okay as he'd thrown himself to the floor.

I hate taking praise as I rarely think I deserve it and I think there are people better than me that need the praise more than me but right now I'm praising myself. I'm very proud of who I've become and I'm proud of what I do for a living.

Yay me!

I am truly ashamed that my last few entries have either been meme's stolen from someone else or pictures!

I will not let this happen again.

I am a sheep.

I should be shaved as such.

If it's any consolation I'm currently working on an entry about Heath Ledger. I've rewritten it a feck load of times as it just sounds like I'm an evil wanker who didn't like him, which is far from the truth! Well.. the not liking him isn't true but as most of you know I really am an evil wanker.

Right, I've got six and a half hours left at work so I'm off to play some WoW and maybe think about what to write... oh and I suppose I'll go check on the resi as well! Make sure he's still breathing and hope I don't get beaten up again! I hate that I can't fight back!

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Accepted that getting beaten up is part of my job.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Well you see I did but not straight off. I've given up smoking. I didn't do it successfully in January but as 2008 ends I can say I'm entering 2009 as a non-smoker. Of course, we've still got 20 days of 2008 left so things could change!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Oh yes indeedy! My brother and his partner gave birth to a beautiful baby girl (Chloe Rebecca), my cousin gave birth to a gorgeous baby boy (James Kenneth) and my best friends gave birth to a very handsome little gentleman (Ruaidhrí Brian). 2026 and 2029 are going to be expensive birthday years! Oh my god... I'll be 53 and then 56! Shit!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Okay, I'm going to say no as I don't recall anyone close to me dying but I'd like it noted that should I have forgotten I will feel very very guilty about it. There may even be tears!

5. What countries did you visit?
Germany, Wales, England and Ireland.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
My wedding.
A MacBook Pro.
More hair on my head but less on my body.
World peace!

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 29th - Chloe
June 1st - for reasons I'm not going into.
September 9th - Ruaidhrí

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Not backing down.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I don't know.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Well there was my finger that the service user buggered up, oh and then there was the head-butt from the same service user which lead to a ten day headache and vision which is still shit and I'm just waiting for my Ophthalmic appointment.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
iPhone!

14. Where did most of your money go?
On gadgets, going out, flights and chinese food!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Berlin and my iPhone.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Duke Special - Sweet Sweet Kisses.

Compared to this time last year, are you
17. Thinner or fatter?
Fatter.

18. Richer or poorer?
I'm richer in friends but poorer in health and dosh.

19. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Naked hand-stands through Eyre Square.

20. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Eating.

21. How will you be spending Christmas?
Pissed and fat.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Prison Break (Mmmmm Millllller!), Dexter (woo hoo! - love Dexter!), Heroes, Little Britain USA.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nope. Still only hate two people in this world. And I mean physically hate!

26. What was the best book you read?
Hmm... Don't know.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Duke Special

28. What did you want and get?
An iPhone

29. What did you want and not get?
A wedding.
Another tattoo
A new camera

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Erm... I don't know.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 35.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A trip to Maidstone, Yorkshire, London, Canada and San Martine.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
"Because I want to!" (Come on... Rupert Trousers, No socks! - I'm a fashion icon not a follower!)

34. What kept you sane?
Work.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Can I pick more than one? Jensen Ackles, Wentworth Miller, Stephen Gerrard... the list goes on...

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The Lisbon Treaty

37. Who did you miss?
My friends... but my aim is getting better.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
More than just one... all from work... Whytey, Shelia, Chris (night staff not useless cunt!), Ryan, McNamara, Kiki (work not blogger), Corinne, Tom, Ber, Gilly... the list goes on!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008
Sometimes a smile is a silent cry for help.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"There were sweet sweet kisses at the start."

Back to reality.

Respond to this, ask for a year to write about, and write a post about what you were doing in that year

This has got to be one of the greatest pop vidya's I've seen in a long while!

In the last twenty-four hours I have twittered...

Wondering if I could ring in dead?

Heading off to Shannon Airport

On Saturday and Sunday Brad and I decided to move a few things about in the house!

Pissed off that I'm not getting any Twitters!

"Washing machines live longer with Calgon!"

I am covered in tea leaves.

I have called in sick today.

He stood at the front, next to his friends, looking like the perfect gentleman.

Cole goes back to her roots...


Dannii's surgery is a success, the penis is gone, as is the facial stubble!

Happy Birthday Brad.

I love you x

[A] Available: No

[B] Best concert: Erasure - Circus tour

[C] Current clothing: Flip-flops, polo shirt, rupert trousers

[D] Dirty little secret: Erm... it's still a secret

[E] Eat at the most: Anywhere that sells chinese food.

[F] Favorite band: Erasure

[G] Gummy bears or worms: Neither

[H] Hometown: Galway

[I] If I weren't in Engineering: I'm not in engineering.

[J] Junk food: Chocolate.

[K] Killer moment: There are so many!

[L] Listen to me: YES!

[M] Music to chill to: Kokomo Jokomo

[N] Number of siblings: Many

[O] One wish: I can't tell you my one wish.

[P] Person you'd love to meet: Jesus

[Q] Quantum Physics: There is nothing difficult about it.

[R] Reason to smile: Life

[S] Start in your career: ??

[T] Time you woke up: 3.00pm

[U] Underrated band: Duke Special

[V] Vacation: Yes please

[W] Website you rely on: www.iamlanders.com or www.google.ie

[X] X-rays you've had: More than I'm actually allowed

[Y] Your favorite artists: Dali

[Z] Zodiac sign: Gemini

Well I'm back at work.

The parents of one of our lads take all the staff, lads and parents out for Christmas meal every year and that was tonight. I got to go as there was no point being at work as everyone else was at the meal.

They only do it for out bungalow but they involve all the staff, old and new, and the other three lads who live there with their son and the parents of these lads. It was a lovely night. I had to leave about 9.30pm as one of our lads began to get a bit bored and had started to look for heads to butt - yes it was him! The others arrived back, quite happy, about 11pm.

I think it's admirable that the parents would do this. After all we're getting paid to be here, it's not as though we're volunteers. I thanked them before I left and both of them told me it was the very least they could do and that they were pleased I came. The both shook my hand and told me how grateful they were for the work I do with their son. Looking at them I'd say they were being quite sincere and that made me feel good about myself.

Well, it's 3.30pm, I have evening chores to do. I've done most of them but then I decided to play a few hours on WoW. I've started in a role playing realm and OH MY GOD the people in there are so funny! Some need help and I imagine them sat at home dresses from head to toe in epic gear with a chair fashioned into an epic flying mount. Thankfully I've met up with some people who like to have a laugh so most of our role play is very much over the top. In fact to an outside we look like the cast of Crossroads (the ITV soap not the film) trying to perform scripts in the style of the American soap Dynasty with the scripts written by failed writers for Neighbours. The problem comes when real RPers (Role Players) try and get involved. I died the other day. Not an uncommon occurrence given my hand and eye co-ordination (I blame the lack of hearing) and thankfully in the game when you die your ghost appears in a grave yard (which could be fucking miles away from your body) and you have to run back to where you died and resurrect. Obviously they have to have something like this or the game would be very boring if you had to start from level one every time you died. I did once play a game where you lost half your gained experience, basically halving your characters level, every time you died which I think is a better way as it gives you a reason not to die.

Anyhoo, I digress... so I died... well you'd think we were in an episode of ER! (Not Casualty - it's got far too boring!). Suddenly my body is surrounded by people, some of which are wailing and crying about what should happen if I step into the light, none of which I've actually met or know in any way. What's worse is that there is no actual coding for half the stuff they're doing so all you see on the screen is my lifeless corpse with people kneeling by me doing absolutely bugger all! So I pointed this out to one of the guys I've got pally with. He see's this as an opportunity to play havoc!

Picture the text/chat window if you will... keeping in mind that characters are not moving!
Lomaran is me.
Atreb, Pelan and Yan are true RPers.
Gretta, Michael and Con are the mischief makers I hang around with.
Anything written brackets (( )) is Out Of Character chat (OOC). If it's not in brackets it's IC! (In Character!)

Gretta begins chest compressions on Lomaran.
Pelan says "Atreb use magic! You know these human methods never work!"
Atreb says "No, I have no mana, I used it all fighting the Defias and haven't had chance to meditate yet!"
Gretta wonders if she'll hear a rib break!
Yan says "Everyone stand back, I shall invoke some totems!"
Michael says "You wanna be careful! I hear invoking is against the law!"
Lomaran wonders if anyone has called 999 yet!
Pelan says "((Dude! Not cool!))
Con takes out his iPhone to dial 999 but then sees he has email and forgets what he was supposed to be doing!
Atreb says "Yan where are those totems?"
Yan says "Coming! It's not an instant* thing you know! It takes a lot of energy!"
Pelan says "Lomaran if you can hear me come back to us!"
Lomaran turns his hearing aid on
Lomaran says "What?"
Gretta continues with chest compressions even though Lomaran is alive just so she can hear a rib break!
Michael says "Gretta you know you're not moving don't you?"
Gretta says "What?"
Michael says "You're not actually moving. Do you think you are?"
Gretta says "Shit! Do I have frozen sydrome again!"
Con says "Frozen Syndrome! Nooooo! It's that frost mage, he did it to you!"
Con points to Atreb
Atreb says "What?"
Michael says "You've damn well frozen her! He's dead and you've frozen her! You're a great mage you are!"
Atreb says "But..."
Atreb cries
Atreb says "I'm so so sorry! I didn't mean to! Sometimes my wand just touches people and I don't realise!"
Michael says "Likely likely!"
Lomaran wonders if Gary Glitter tried the Wand Defence!
Con sees his iPhone has frozen and wants to blame the mage but knows it just needs a firmware update!
Phelan says "((RP guys!))"
Con says "((We are!))"
Phelan says "((iPhones?))"
Con says "((Yeah I bought it off a gnome in Ironforge! Cost me 190gold and then 45gold a month for 18 months!))"
Lomaran hears the distant ding of a microwave!
Lomaran says "Sounds like dinner is ready!"
Atreb says "Fucking n00bs!"
Atreb makes a rude gesture at Lomaran, Con and Michael.

It carries on for a little while with people either joining in the fun or slagging us off. On the whole it was a very enjoyable evening! It's fun in the RP realms but it's a bit tooooo strict for me.

Well it's not 4am so I suppose i should go and do those chores. Then I have a doovde or two to watch.

TTFN!


*Actually totems are Instant Cast! I know, I have a shaman on another server

He stood at the front, next to his friends, looking like the perfect gentleman. So handsome and so dashing. The look on his face as his future wife, only seconds away from gaining that title, stood in the doorway was a look that showed pure love and admiration for the woman that would soon be stood next to him. There was also a little flash of fear.

She stood there and watched her soon-to-be sisters-in-law, her best friend and her sister walk up the aisle in front of her. She looked stunning. Her hair, so long, a harsh comparison from the style she'd had when I first met her, was so perfect and in place. Her dress, lovingly handmade by her mother, looked spectacular.

As the ceremony finished and they walked down the aisle as Mr & Mrs Duggan the happiness across their faces was immense. They walked hand in hand and I felt honoured to have been there, to have done a reading and to be their friend.

Happy Anniversary Mr & Mrs Duggan.

Love you x

P.S. It's time you started blogging again!

Before I tell you how my hospital appointment went let me give you a quick rundown of the last couple of days. This way you should have a clear idea of the state I was in upon arrival at the hospital, let alone by the time I finally got home!

As I was going to working nights on Wednesday and Thursday I decided to stay up as late as possible on Tuesday. I do this whenever I'm going to be working nights and it always fails. I went to be bed at 2am. I woke up at 8am Wednesday morning. So in the afternoon I decided to go back to bed. If I could get a couple of hours then I knew I'd be fine.

I lay there awake.

So off I go to work. Wednesday night is uneventful. I spend the night awake although I'm honest I think I dropped off for about five minutes during Groundhog Day. I don't know how long it was but I did that thing where you head snaps back and you take a deep breath in and wonder where you are and how long you've been there. Thursday morning one service user wakes up around 6am and is awake for the rest of the shift. He's a lovely lad but a bit annoying as he prods and pokes a lot and he's the one that head-butted me three weeks ago.

The day staff arrive and I can go home. By the time I get home I've been awake for 24hrs 45mins, approximately. Now I'm one of those people that finds it very hard to go to sleep without some sort of slight noise. Be it traffic, music, a radio or the television, either way if I don't have some slight noise it takes me ages to get off to sleep... unless i"m drunk. My gorgeous sis lent us Season 1 and 2 of Heroes and I've been slowly working my way through them as things in Season 3 don't seem to make sense so I put on the next disc, the third in the box, and crawl into bed ready to go to sleep.

As one episode rolls by (45 minutes long!) and the next starts I'm still awake. As the second episode finishes I can finally feel my eyes getting heavy an I think at most I see fifteen minutes of the third episode on the disc. So give or take a few minutes I'd been awake nearly 27 hours.

I wake up just before 3pm on Thursday afternoon. Four and a half hours of sleep. I lie in bed for another hour so I can at least get some rest if not sleep.

Come 9pm I'm back at work for the night shift. Six hours awake.

The night shift goes smoothly. Not much happens. I play WoW a bit and then look after the same service user who gets up early again. The night staff arrive early but as I'm due at the hospital at 9am I stay for a bit and have a coffee with them. I've now been awake for seventeen hours.

By 8.30am I'm at the hospital and they kindly agree to see me early as they know I've been on a night shift at the JPC.

So the doctor can't believe I've been back to the hospital so many times and no one has actually suggested seeing an eye specialist. She points out that unfortunately the eye specialist don't start until 10am so she suggests I go get a coffee and come back as she'd rather I didn't drive given the condition of my sight.

Come 10am I'm back, as ordered. She explains she's spoken to the eye specialists and they've requested a scan before seeing them to rule out any brain injury. The bad news is that the earliest they can fit in a scan is 2pm. As the doctor doesn't want me driving she asks that I stay around the hospital somewhere, maybe getting more coffee, and head back to the X-Ray department for 2pm. It's 10am. I've been awake for 19 hours, 11 of which have been work related, so I'm not in the best of moods. Being told I cannot leave the complex is not the best news I've heard and I decide to ignore it.

Once I've done some jobs in town I head to Mrs. Duggans for a coffee, which she supplies, and the worlds biggest chocolate eclair, which I supply buy from a wondrous bakery in Galway.

Coffee and lovely visit done with I head back to the hospital and into the X-Ray department for 1.50pm, ten minutes early which is just as well.

"What are you here for?" asks the receptionist.
"A scan," I reply.
"What kind of scan?"
"I don't know."
"Do you have you appointment letter?"
"No I didn't get one."
"So how do you know you should be here?"
"The doctor told me."
"Which doctor?"
"The doctor in A&E. She made the appointment this morning."
"And she didn't say what scan you were having?"
"No."
"Well you're not in the system from what I can see and without know what type of scan you're here for I can't check where you should be!"
"Well I'd guess it would be an MRI I'm having."
"Why would you guess that?"
"Because they want to see if I have a brain injury or damage to my eyes."
"Well I can assure you that you will not be having an MRI. It's fully booked for weeks."
"Then it'll be a CT scan."
"Will it?"
"Well yes as they want to look at my brain and eyes so it won't be an x-ray!"
"Right well lets look at the CT list."

She taps and the more I look at her the more I'm sure I'm dealing with Ireland's answer to Carol Beer.



"Oh here you!" she cries, "if you sit down someone will be out soon."

Sure enough, and more efficient than I expected, before I sit down a nurse is there and guiding me into the CT room.

I take off my glasses and hearing aid an put them in my pocket along with my phone and car keys.

"Oh I didn't see the hearing aid. Are you okay without it?"
I go to answer but don't get chance.
"I'm sorry," she shouts, "of course you're not or you wouldn't have it! Can you hear me now?"
I giggle a yes and she tells me to lie down on a very long and thing table. As I do everything falls out of my pockets. Her assistant holds me head still while the nurse rams blocks either side of my head, then shoves foam sheets between the blocks and my head covering my ears so that I really can't hear her now and then tapes my head down. I am not going anywhere... but I am lying down. Something I haven't done in nearly twenty four hours! The position I'm in mixed with the tiredness and the mood I'm in all seem to take effect and within seconds I can feel my eyes starting to close. I pinch myself and I'm wide awake and also angry because my thigh hurts where I just pinched it. Suddenly the idea that I'm angry at myself for hurting myself for trying to stop myself for asleep makes me laugh and as I giggle away I see the nurse wave her hand in front of my face and tell me to keep still.

Next thing I know the whole table moves and I'm being pushed into a massive doughnut, something that I would probably enjoy should it have been a real doughnut. Fifteen minutes later I'm out and and being told to go back to A&E, which I do.

It's not 3pm. I've been awake 24 hours and my mood is slowly going down hill. On the verge of screaming I point out to a nurse how long I've been awake and that I've been in A&E since 8.30am. Okay, I haven't but they think I have! She gets a doctor and tells him off, quite obviously worried that I might make an official complaint and before you know it he's leading me into a cubicle and telling me that the results aren't on the system so he'll go and ask them personally.

He comes back and tells me that there is nothing on the scan so he's rang the eye specialists and they are going to see me now. It's now 4pm. Twenty-five hours awake. The doctor puts drops in my eyes which dilate my pupils.

Now I'm here because of sight problems. My left eye won't focus and my pupils look like this.

Can you see the difference in size?

After the drops they go from this

Look at how red they are! Ha!

To this

I look stoned!

A porter arrives and escorts me to the eye clinic. As we're walking I know he's talking but he's in front of me and I'm buggered if I can make out a clear word. We get to the department, he wishes me well, I thank him and again I'm waiting in a reception.

Without looking at me a woman says "Do you wear glasses?"
"No," I say wondering what she'll do.
"Oh, it says here you do!" then she looks up and sees them sitting on my nose. She sighs and tells me the specialist will me with me shortly.

Finally I'm lead into another room by a german eye specialist with the worlds quietest voice. After the initial interrogation she stops flashing lights in my eyes and instead pours orange crap into them which stings like a bitch and runs down my cheeks. Soon enough she's poking about again and then comes at me with a needle!

"Erm... where is that going?" I ask with horror.
"I neeeeed to put a nerve weelaxencht into yor highs."
"Sorry I can't..."
"Oh don't vorry not viw ziss. I vill not beee injekting yoo!"

I relax and she carries on her examination. In the end, in her strange accent, she tells me that I possibly have a trapped or damaged nerve which is vibrating. It could last another few hours it could be another few weeks. It could also be something else! To find out fully I'll need a complete ocular examination which means another appointment in two weeks time.

It's now 5pm. I have been awake for twenty-six hours and I have no answer to my problems. Instead the end of the tunnel where all the daylight is has moved even further away.

"Go avay and go horme and vee vill zend yoo a letta viw an appointment in it," she says.
"Ok. Thank you," I say not really meaning it.
"Oh, 'ow did yoo get 'ere?' she asks.
"Erm.. I drove."
"Yoo cannot drive horme."

I can't argue with her as I know the mood I'm in what with the lack of sleep and lack of answers I'll just end up shouting so I just nod and leave. In reception I use their phone to call Brad and ask him to call Helen and see if MJ or Rachel can pick him and bring him to the hospital so he can drive me and my car back.

Once outside I realised that by the time Brad has got hold of Helen, MJ or Rachel and by the time they'd got to the hospital through the traffic, we're talking at least two hours, my sight would be back to normal so they'd be no point. I may as well wait and just drive back myself.

I rang Brad and told him his.

Then I walked back to the car. Sitting there I realised that I could quite clearly see everything in front of me... just not the stuff in the car. The speedometer was a blur, as was the radio, the clock, in fact most stuff at arms length or closer was a blur but the road ahead and the cars around me in the car park were perfectly clear. Well, the cars directly to my left and right were a bit hazy but the car in the space opposite mine was clear.

Once safely out the car park it was obvious that the drive home would be fine. Long but fine. Blurry but fine. Slow but fine. Dangerous but fine.

Just as 6pm arrived I pulled into our driveway. Stinging eyes, blurring vision not withstanding I'd arrived home safe.

I'd now been awake for 27 hours. Knowing my sleep pattern I know that if I'd have gone straight to bed I'd have been up at 1am and pissed off so I decided to stay up as long as possible.

Come 10pm... 31 hours awake... I was in bed. We watched the IT Crowd and then went to put a film on. Well come 11pm I was still wide awake and for some reason I had a fit of the giggles. The soon went away and the last time I remembered looking at the clock it was 11.15pm. Approximately 32 hours and 15 minutes awake.

I woke up at 8am.